She is two weeks old and the day was bright enough for a photo session! Also I was finally feeling good enough for the challenge;)
She has been such a joy and we still can't believe we have a daughter. I still don't think it has really hit me. Most of the newborn stuff my mom got us was boyish and putting it on her felt more normal to me. But, I have managed to break through the weirdness of it all and put some pink on her. Baby steps!
Some have asked for more details on the birth and I think I am ready to divulge;)...
After three, well four (counting a late-ish stillbirth), hospital births and OB monitored pregnancies I was done, DONE, with those shenanigans.
Done with being told what to do,
done with standardized, routine labs and swabs and tests and monitors,
done with the gazillion prenatal appointments that take a doctor's fee to tell me, yes, I am still pregnant,
done with doctors telling me where and how and with what IVs and contraptions to labor and deliver with.
I decided I wanted to have the most perfect pregnancy and birth that was just for me. Just for us. I wanted to reclaim the natural-ness of making a baby. Like a cat. Gestate like a cat. Birth like a cat...in the quiet and rhythm of my own will. So that's what I did! Jason and I excitedly transitioned our canoodling from "benign" to "let's do this!" and a couple months later we quietly beamed over our positive pregnancy test.
I did not call a doctor..nope. I just enjoyed the knowledge all to myself. I bought a doppler and found the heartbeat at 9 weeks, all on my own. Every few weeks I would find the heartbeat and reassure myself the baby was growing well...until I started to feel those first kicks.
Then I was able to put the doppler away and enjoy all the movements telling me every day that baby was growing and thriving well. First trimester, second trimester, third trimester...I enjoyed the pregnancy for what it was. A baby, so natural and amazing, growing inside me.
*Toward the end, I signed a contract with an awesome midwife to be on call for the birth. She also helped us with the birth certificate paperwork (woot!).
When my due date approached I was not worried, only excited for the big day.
I still had the imagery of a mother cat seeking out a quiet spot in the house and that is what I wanted to do. I bought no "supplies," no home-birthing kit. I really think all of that stuff is unnecessary and having a baby doesn't need to be so medical...so we just waited for baby to come. All on her own. No induction, no membrane stripping or water breaking. No castor oil or 5 hour walks at the mall. Just waiting.
On her due date, I labored all morning at home. The pain was familiar. I knew what to expect. Jason and I never mentioned a feeling of needing support. We just went with it and it was great!
When it was time to push there was a moment of worry because I didn't have someone to check and tell me I was fully dilated. Memories of nurses and doctors telling me to wait so they can make sure...because swelling can occur!
But then I had to laugh and remind myself birth is natural! My body would not be pushing if it wasn't ready to do so. I told Jason everything was fine and we were doing great! After a few pushes the head was out and I told Jason to go get the kids.
He asked if we had time and I said we did. He ran and called the kids up and they all came in to see the baby's head out. Xander felt a little squeamish and left the room to wait outside but Isaac and Simon stayed to watch the birth.
My body pushed her out and Jason caught her. It was so sweet the way he announced it was a girl with a teary, surprised look on his face. She was pale with a purple-ish head and took a few seconds to start breathing (it is her first time, after all!). We rubbed her body. When she took her first breaths it sounded a little wet so Jason "suctioned" her with his mouth over her nose and mouth a couple times. She pinked up, and opened her eyes! We wrapped her in blankets, Isaac ran to get us a container from the kitchen (for the placenta) and my body pushed the placenta out.
My sister Omi arrived and she helped hold the baby and placenta bowl while Jason helped me get cleaned up in the shower. Clean clothes, clean sheets, whew! Look what we have done!
About an hour after the birth Jason used a strip of cotton to tie off the cord. He flame-steralized a pair of kitchen scissors and cut the cord. and that was that! We had a baby! We snuggled in bed looking at our new baby. She is perfect. The pregnancy was perfect. The birth was perfect. Everything was perfect!
And now its been two weeks and we are still holding our new baby and staring at her in amazement over how gentle her arrival was. It was just another day in the Bergeman house...but not really. Ha!
